Just like that, six months have flown by. To be honest, it actually feels like it’s been longer like this has been the norm for years. That’s a good thing right? Lol. It’s been a beautiful journey so far, a transitional journey with a lot of self-growth and wisdom gained. I feel so blessed to have married my bestie! (Yes I’m allowed to be mushy a little lol).
So with any milestone recently, I like to use that time to reflect on how that time has been and look at what lessons I’ve learnt and I thought I’d share it with you, never know, you may be able to relate, advise or learn or thing or two. So here are six lessons I’ve learned in six months of marriage:
The transformation wasn’t as HUGE as I was told it would be…
I wasn’t as shocked as people said I would be after we said ‘I do’. Before and on our wedding day, we were told that marriage was a whole different ball game. That anything we thought we knew before would seem completely different once we were married. In our pre-marital classes, we were even warned of opening up to exes and the dangers it comes with (with some demonstration involved lol). Don’t get me wrong, it was a little different, because instead of just being ‘boyfriend and girlfriend’, we were now ‘husband and wife’ so it was no longer all about me but instead all about ‘we’ which came with new responsibilities. So of course there was a little adjusting to get used to. But because we were very open with each other before we got married, discussed future life plans, kept barely any secrets from each other, were super comfortable around each other, habits and all, very little surprised us about each other once we got married. But…
You suddenly discover new annoying habits you each have
Unless you lived together before you were married, you most likely won’t be used to ALL of your partner’s habits. As I grew up as an only child, this took me some getting used to as I’m not very used to sharing my space with others (aside from my mother lol). But thankfully the skill of compromise has helped us deal with this, we’re both learning not to be as rigid in our ways, get used to our habits and even drop a few habits which we didn’t even realise were annoying.
You suddenly become more aware of ‘womb watchers’
Your ovaries become topic of discussion! You get told all kind of things like ‘don’t worry, next Mother’s Day , we’ll be celebrating with you‘, ‘sorry about your cramps, don’t worry, next month you won’t see a period’, or the funniest one I’ve heard, ‘hurry up and secure your marriage so that people won’t talk about you’. This is a post on it’s own and that’s coming up soon. But I’ve gradually learnt how to switch off when the topic arises so that I don’t get as irritated, think I’m finally mastering how to do it lol.
Communication is key
I know this has been over flogged but I can’t emphasise this point enough. Communication is so key! I always thought I was great at communicating and talking about my feelings but this last six months have shown me otherwise. Over the years I’ve learnt to not be so quick to react when I feel offended, disrespected or angry in a situation so that I don’t say something I’ll regret. I like to give myself time to process my thoughts and deal with my emotions before I address. However, I’ve learnt that me being silent can actually do more harm than good sometimes. I don’t like to keep quiet forever, probably like a day max, but even in that time, if I just say what’s on my mind earlier, I’d be able to hear my partner’s point of view, probably discover that it was a case of miscommunication, deal with the situation and move on. So I’m trying to find a healthy middle ground and learn to communicate more. As the old saying goes, never go to bed angry, but sometimes all you might need is a good night’s sleep.
Not all advice is good advice
Many will have something to say about your relationship or feel like they’re the best person to tell you how to run your marriage, even when you haven’t asked for advice. My thing is, no-one knows your relationship better than the people in it so the first person you should discuss your marriage issues with is the other person in that marriage. What works for one couple may not work for another so you can’t generalise. I’m generally quite a closed person anyway so I rarely go looking for marital advice but my new trick is to politely listen to what the person has to say (no matter how crazy or outrageous it may sound), let them have their time and then swiftly move on to another topic. It’s then up to me if I choose to apply that advice to my relationship or toss it to the wind. I’m also very careful of who I let into my marriage because not everyone will have good intent or will bring up the matter later once it’s all done and dusted, and while that may annoy me, I’d have no-one to blame for that situation but me.
I have no regrets
No matter how annoyed I get at times, or how much I may miss my space, I never EVER have the thought of leaving or regret and I pray that I never do. I was blessed to marry my best friend so no matter how rough it may get, our friendship even more than our love will help us get through it. With the help of prayer of course 🙂
For my married folk out there, I’d love to hear what your experience was like in your first six months. Similar or you had other lessons? For my non-married folk (don’t be shy to comment here too, this is a discussion for everyone) anything that shocks you with the above? Anything that you were expecting to hear but didn’t? Let’s discuss in the comment box below 🙂